Finding Joy
by shika-kun506
Summary: Gaara has been searching for something to fill the void inside his heart that he can't ignore. Could this girl be what he needed all along?  Yeah, I suck at summaries...oh well. Hope you enjoy, this is my first fanfic
1. Chapter 1

Hope you like it! I used an OC for the girl because I don't like Gaara with any of the girls in Naruto...haha yeeeaaaa.

Chapter 1

Gaara walked aimlessly through the endless sand of the desert. The air was just beginning to get the chill of a signature desert night but he was too lost in thought to realize the cold slowly creeping in on him. His eyes were set on the sky as he thought about ways to find what he was looking for. Not that he really knew what exactly he was that was. He always felt as though part of him was missing and he could never really quite figure out what is was. So in everything and everything he would search for that piece his heart had gone astray.

When he got tired of trying to find it he would attempt to coax it back with fake smiles and laughter. He would let go of the steal wall he kept around his heart and do his best to appear kind and caring while he really felt like falling apart. He really felt like giving up. And of course each time he failed to find what he wanted, the feeling of failure would seep back in, the wall would come back up, and he eyes would become composed and cold again. He wondered if this would ever end.

Suddenly he was aware of the constant whining in the background begging for his attention. He snapped back to reality to find Naruto waving his hand in front of him and repeatedly saying his name. Judging by the annoyance written on his face, Naruto had been trying for quite some time to get his attention.

"What do you want Naruto", said Gaara, slightly irritated that his thoughts had been disrupted.

"It's getting late, your sister said to come get you. Why so day-dreamy?" He replied, finally realizing that he had disturbed a deep thought and tried to make up for it.

"Nothing."

"Well it has to be something. Come on you never tell me anything."

"Fine. I was thinking about how to find something." Gaara said in defeat. Not wanting to be constantly pestered by the blonde about his so called 'day-dreaming'.

"Maybe I can help! Is it over there?"

_*sigh* He can be such an idiot sometimes. _Gaara thought to himself.

"You can't help."

"Awwwww why not" *cue the puppy dog face*

_What kind of guy does a puppy dog face?_

"Because you can't."

_I wish he would just leave me alone_

"Fine then! At least tell me what you're searching for."

Gaara thought to himself for a few minutes trying to decide how to respond to the question. He tried to think of what he felt was missing. Then he realized what he didn't see in his eyes every time he looked in a mirror. What he didn't feel every time the people around him laughed and smiled and joked.

Looking at Naruto with his stone cold expressionless face he said, "I'm looking for the joy that left so long ago"

The pain in his eyes was so evident Naruto thought he might fall to the ground and curl up. He couldn't stand it. As Gaara walked away all he could do was stand there, in too much shock to say anything but unmoving in fear that his legs would give out.

As soon as Gaara got back home he went up to his room and locked the door, ignoring the calls from his siblings that dinner was ready. The anguish in his heart had taken away any appetite he might have left. His realization had caused more pain than he could imagine.

It was on that day that Gaara decided to give up his search. He was completely drained of any hope he had before and couldn't bear to constantly remind himself of the emptiness inside of his chest.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Three months later the emptiness had only grown larger inside him. He was walking in the desert again as he often did. Out there he had no reminders of his depression, no laughter or smiles to compare himself to. He chose his favorite cliff to sit on and watched the late afternoon sun slowly make its way to the horizon. Lost in thought yet again he hardly noticed a familiar presence sit down beside him and watch the sun with him. When he managed to drag himself out of his own mind enough to look at who it was he asked himself why he even bothered. It was Tsubaki yet again.

Over the past months Tsubaki had shared his favorite cliff with him as he watched the sun every day. They didn't talk much but when they did it was never a normal conversation. One of them would just start rambling about their personal life, relieved that there was someone they didn't have to feel guarded around. But that was just it. Gaara didn't feel like he had to be guarded around her. It was like her very presence shattered the wall he built up. Maybe it was because he knew he would probably never get close enough to her for it to actually matter. Maybe it was because she didn't seem in the least bit scared or nervous around her. He didn't know. They would just sit there and blab on about their lives, sometimes laughing at each other's stupidity, until the sun set and they left without a goodbye.

Now, three months later, they knew everything about each other. She knew about his search for joy, about his stupid drunk father, about his passed mother, about his jerk of an uncle. And he knew about her sick brother, murdered parents, and horrible aunt. They were like twins, except she had something he didn't. She had hope, something he lost when he had realization, which was something he had failed to mention to her. Then for the second time that day his thoughts were interrupted.

"Gaara?" She said quietly, knowing he didn't like disturbances.

"What." The annoyance in his voice was obvious. But she decided to go on anyway, he curiosity getting the best of her.

"I'm worried about you. I want you to find your joy."

For the first time Gaara looked at her. Really looked at her. And immediately he realized how stupid he was for never doing so. Her eyes reflected the last lingering light of the sun and it dipped below the horizon. They shone a brilliant electric purple that stuck out against her long jet black hair that framed her face perfectly. Her lips had a natural smoothness and shine to them that he couldn't keep his eyes off of.

"Gaara? Are you ok?"

He tore his eyes away from her perfect lips and tried to focus on her words. But he just couldn't do it. Not after he realized how increadibly beautiful she was. Finally he gave up and went back to the sun only to find that everything looked just the slightest bit brighter. Like a light that had been shut off had finally turned back on. Then he flashed back to all the times he had talked to her. When he had laughed and smiled with her, and it hit him. They weren't fake. Those laughs and smiles were real. He was. Happy.

"Gaara, are you listening to me?"

"Huh?" Yet again completely unaware of her trying to get his attention.

"How are you going to find your joy?"

"I think I just did."

"You did? Where, when?"

"Just now."

"What is it? What's your joy Gaara?"

He paused for a second, afraid of what she might say. But somewhere inside he knew he had to say it. For once in his life he knew it was going to be ok.

"Well?" She urged, anxious to know the answer

"You."


End file.
